So Scared.

I just took my SATs for the second time and I think I did really bad. The critical reading was so hard D: compared to the time I took it in December. Math and writing were okay but I don't think I did better. I'm so scared that I did worse which is just horrible. I'm so nervous and scared. Sighs. I wished I practiced more sighs. I'm so scaredd right now. But the scores come out about 18 days later I guess. Sighs. I need to forget about it right now so I don't annoy myself thinking about it so much. D:

I hope I didn't do that bad. D:

So Tired. D:

I'm really sick of studying for ap chem so I decided to come here and rant about it. I feel like no matter how hard I study this topic I still get confused once I see a question. :X I really want to do well on the "re-test" so my test average can go up. I'm so tired but yet I can't stop since studying really helps out my grade. (DUH!) I really have no idea what I'm saying anymore since its pretty late and I plan to get up at 5:30 to continue this. Blah.

2010

2010 is coming to an end in three days. This pretty much sums up my year.

My First 97+ average. SATs for the first time. Sleeping pass 11 on a school day. Having a snowball fight. Having a water balloon fight. Camwhoring. Fridays. Dealing with little kids. A blizzard. Late night phone calls. Getting texting. Prep. Sitting in the park and talking. All those tears. PMS. Stress from junior year. Making brownies for the first time. Being 16. Eating ALOT. My first picnic. Going ice skating for the first time. Wearing cardigans. Putting grades before anything else. Getting into painting my nails. Six Flags. Secret Santa. Beach. Library. SAT Books lying all around my house. Loving AP Chem and Chemistry. Getting a 95 on my Chem regents. 196 on PSATs. Dramas. Movies. Karaoke. Pushing the huge snowball. Horror Movies. Bubble Tea. Sushi.

This year was filled with ups and downs and I'm sad to see this year end. But I made lots of memories this year that I'll never forget. 2011 I'm ready for you!

Freaking Out AGAIN!

lalala, My SATS are done with and break is here in three days so yay! But But SAT scores come out tomorrow, so I'm freaking out all over again. I got a 196/240 on my PSAT which was wayy better than I expected but I still have no clue about the SATs. I really hope that I do good. I really need to clam down but I really can't knowing that grades come out in less than 6 hours. LOL.

I think I'm screwed

SATs are on Saturday. I went to prep over the summer and I considered myself prepared for the exam but now I'm not so sure. I just took a practice exam and I got a 1740 out of 2400. That is the lowest I've ever gotten considering in the summer I got in the high 1800s. I'm scared. I really want to get above 2000 but I highly doubt it so I'm really going to study my butt off for the one in March. Sighs, I'm really scared that I am going to get that low. That would mean that this whole summer went to waste after I stopped studying for a while. I just hope that it was because I took the practice test online late at night since I'm having a hard time concentrating. Well there is no going back now. Even if I'm not ready I better make sure that I am. I'm not going to worry about it, there is always a second chance. I'll just do my best and hope that my best is good enough.

Physics Lab

I don't mind giving people my labs and stuff if they need it but sometimes I feel like they don't even brother to do the lab and they just use mine with some changed information and stuff. It really bugs me because I worked hard on that lab and they don't brother to do it and they just use it. I mean I guess in a way its my fault since I'm the one who gives them it but at times I feel like since they've helped me out with other stuff they should get it or if their my lab partners then they should get it but otherwise I really think that you guys should do your own lab. Lab really isn't that hard and it was just putting a chart on it, it's really not that hard for you make a chart you just plug in your own information. Sighs, I normally don't really get annoyed but for some reason today I just am. Bleh I think its due to stress since I'm taking my SATs on Saturday. haha I hope I do okay. :) I realized reading this again my grammar is terrible LOL There were so many mistakes.

WHY DO I HAVE SO MANY DEPRESSING POSTS LOL

I have way too many depressing posts here LOL Heres a happy one. I'm going to my school's Career Day tomorrow, I'm looking forward to it since I had a lot of fun last year. Why do I have nothing to say LOL maybe because its almost 11 and I have to get up at 6:15 tomorrow LOL what fun! I'll finish this post tomorrow LOL :)

Finally going to change it LOL I write LOLs too much. So I went for my club YEA and our alumni shared a room with a surgeon. My alumni was actually a young medical student working for both her MD and PhD. We had to get there super early, and they passed out name tags and stuff and my room had a total of 6 hosts (3 host per alumni.) Before people actually began to come in we were playing this game called Bloon Tower on the smart board LOL We were way too hyped about. But later the alumni came in and so did the students. I actually learned a lot this year about being a medical student and enjoying college and everything. It was very interesting how they paired it up in a way we had two points of view. The older alumni didn't always want to be a doctor he wanted to major in art and everything until a teacher pushed him toward medical school and he loved it. My alumni on the other hand has always wanted to be in medical student and she's always worked hard for it and graduated from Columbia. It was really good hearing about all her experiences since she made it sound so easy, graduating from my school 3rd in her class getting a 1460/1600 on her SATs. I really enjoyed career day this year compared to last year even though last year was fun too.

K.F

My first ever best friend and in a sense my last best friend. We met in kindergarten during lunch when we simply sat next to each other and soon we became best friends. We were both two of the three girls to make it into the top class of my elementary school. I remembered your phone number by heart and you knew mine by heart. When you were sick I would always bring the homework to you and people thought that we were sisters. We went to school together and we went to prep together too. We did pretty much everything together it was like we were prefect but truthfully we weren't. Our friendship had tons of flaws that neither of us realized back then. Eventually it was like we weren't as close as we use to be like we were slowly drifting apart from each other but we were still in the same class but we got into different j.h.s classes. The last time I we actually hung out was 6th grade. We don't call each other we don't even talk anymore. I never noticed how different it is now until I think back to the days when we use to hang out and just play. We made up stories from boredom, we wrote books about talking dogs named Cooper and I forgot the male dogs name. We were student of month at the same time. We played neopets we got each other presents we went slided down my slide we played hide and seek together. Honestly I don't call anyone my best friend because of you. Its not like my friendship with one wasn't better than ours at times it is. But when I think of best friend I think of our friendship and how we are like complete strangers. I don't want that to happen to my current friendships. Even if we don't talk anymore whenever someone mentions best friend I think about what our friendship was like and I smile.

Empty

I'm feeling a little sad maybe because tomorrow is my last day my Chinese school teacher will be here. I felt this way, way back when I found out that my first ever Chinese school teacher won't be my teacher anymore. But the teacher I had in the middle, when I found out she was leaving I wasn't that upset but now I am when I found out my third teacher is leaving. She wasn't my teacher for that long maybe 5 or so weeks. But she was similar to my first teacher. I felt like I was actually able to learn from them because their strict and they know how to teach and watch over us. With my second teacher she was nice but I felt like she couldn't control the students so therefore the students would act out and we would be too distracted to learn. I really don't a new teacher because most of them don't have enough experience yet so I find it hard to learn from them. My third teacher is also leaving my Chinese school for good so I wouldn't even see her around. I'm going to miss her. Now I don't even know if I should continue and renew my membership for chinese school in April when my membership expires. Well I'll learn to adapt and hopefully the new teacher can actually teach and I'll enjoy Chinese school like I do now.

I want to give up

There are times when I just want to let go. I want to just throw my books aside and just sleep early. I just want to throw my homework aside and not do it at all and not care what the teachers would say. I want to throw my books on my desk and just sit here on the internet watching my CSI all day long. I just want to not care anymore, I want to throw everything aside and just wing everything as I go along. I want to not study anymore and just do whatever I want whenever I want. But I can't, I care too much. I want the 100s I want the 2400s I want the 5s I want the 800s. I can't let go of the thing that controls my future. I can't just throw my future away just because I'm too tired or I'm too frustrated to deal with it. I just want to know that in the end it'll all pay off that everything will fall into place that I will achieve my dream.

I can't help but to think that you're pissed off at me. But the thing is you're not telling me what your mad it, but its so obvious you're annoyed at piss off and I feel like it's my fault too. You're not sounding like the way you are normally, and the thing is I've seen you annoyed at others but you usually tend to rant. Which adds to the fact that I know your pissed at me, but you're not telling me. I wish you would just tell me why your mad at me. I like it that way because then I can make things right again. Instead I feel like you're just giving me a hard time and you don't really want to talk to me but you're talking to me because I'm talking to you. Its really giving me a hard time, but honestly I do hope that you feel better.

Sometimes I wonder

What would've happen if I didn't go looking for you that friday when I saw you in front of applebees. Would we still be talking like we are now, will everything that have happened happen? What if I really didn't brother going looking for you, how would everything have turned out. Would we even have met each other and how would that encounter actually be. If I didn't act the way that I did how would everything have turned out. Would we have talked instead of waiting a year, because of a mistake I made. But if we actually talked then would we have been as close as we are now. We use to talk everyday like we do now, but why is it different now compared to then. I feel like I'm more able to open up about myself now then I was then. But I like the way it is now. I like how I was able to take a chance and to give it my all unlike last time. Because its been more than a year, we didn't talk for so long because of one day. I want to make up for it because I wasn't able to take a chance even though I was given the chance many time. I don't regret anything though because we're close now and thats all that matters at the moment to me. Thank you for being there for me.

Junior Year!

Okay, I've been ignoring this blog for a while mostly because I don't really have anything to talk about since I've been lazying around doing nothing LOL.

Junior Year started for me two days ago, I'm not looking foward to it but I hope I come out a smarter person LOL This is my program, most people didn't like theirs very much but I'm okay with mine actually LOL

Period 2-English. It seems okay but online they say that my teacher is kind of hard and plays favorites but I hope I'll be okay since my freshmen teacher played favorites too.

Period 3-Calculus. I think I'm going to get tons of homework and apparently my teacher gives super hard tests, but I was in trig honors last year so I think I'm able to handle it LOL Calculus bring it!

Period 4-Lunch! AGAINNNNNNN ;D LOL 3 years and counting :D!

Period 5-AP American: I hope I can survive. My teacher loves voc. and research papers. History wasn't always my strong point so I hope I'll do okay.

Period 6&7-AP Chemistry: My teacher is super nice but I've heard ap chem is nothing like chem so I hope I'll do okay. I need to brush up on my chem though since I forgot a lot of stuff LOL

Period 8-Physics: Two classes in one room O_O" WERID! My teacher seems okay I hope I'll do okay since most people say that physics is easier than chem. But I love chem so idks. :X

Period 9-Gym/Lab (I haven't had either yet so I'm not sure)

I already got homework on first day, this never happened before but thats junior year for you. I hope I'll do okay.

R.I.P

John Lok

I didn't know you very well and I did admit that at times I found you a bit annoying because you cared so much about your grade. But I do wish I knew you better. I remember how once we were stretching and I was complaining that I couldn't touch my toes and you said it was because my legs were long. You were a nice person who I remember would always participate in class. Everyone knew that you were smart since you knew the things that nobody else knew. You were in my health group and we had to work together. I honestly wished that I did try to get to know you better. You will be missed.

Long Car Rides

I haven't updated in so long mostly because I have very planned out days. Everyday is similar to the one before. I tend to rant a lot more now, since I find that writing out my feelings make me feel better hence the posts with the no comment option.

I love long car/bus rides. They are really calming. I prefer to be in my own world with my music during them. I mean I don't mind being around my friends and family but I tend to drift off into my own world. I begin to make up stories and I begin to think back to the things I've done and what I could've done. Long car/bus rides give me the chance to reflect on myself. They are so calming. I usually tend to make up stories and I find them so calming and relaxing. If the scenery is mostly trees I like it even more. I know I'm a weirdo LOL

I'm Scared

I'm scared that one day you're going to stop im-ing me. That one day you'll lose interest in talking to me. That one day we'll run out of things to talk. That one day you'll get bored of me. That one day we'll no longer hang out together. That one day there would no longer be hour long conversations on the phone. That one day we can't even be friends anymore. I'm really scared for that day because its happened before and there's a chance that it can happen again. Last time it happened, I felt like it was my fault, because I didn't brother to do anything about it, it was as if I didn't care in a way. But I do care about this and this time I'm going to do things differently. I want to keep this going and I'm not going to easily back out this time like I did last time. I want you to know that I actually care. Last time I acted different than I normally would, but this time I'm different. I'm being myself because faking it didn't get us anywhere. But I'm going to give it my all this time since I want it to last.

Who are we to judge?

So, most of this summer I've been spending my time volunteer the days are usually the same. Until yesterday, I went to the main office to get pencils but the person who was suppose to give me them wasn't there yet. There were two girls that go to my school standing outside lets call them A and B. A guy walks out of the office (he ends up being in the same class as me) and he starts walking off to his class. A says "Room 202 is that way" So he turns and says thanks before walking away. A then begins to say to B, "Wow, I wonder if he is even fit for the job, I mean look at his hair and stuff." B replies by saying "Yea, there was this girl who had dyed hair and everything. It is inappropriate for work here." A continues to say "I mean they had an interview and stuff, I mean how did he even get thru." And B goes and says "Yea, so I guess he can't be super bad right?" And then A goes and says "I guess, I mean is he even in high school?"

I was standing there the whole time thinking who are you to judge him or her. You've never seen the way they work, so what if they have dyed hair or a different hairstyle. That doesn't mean they can't be good to children. Its who they are, our hair doesn't define us. So what if they care about the way their hair looks, it shouldn't matter. What really matters is how well they look after the kids. We don't have a right to judge them because we don't even know who they are. That just got me really annoyed and stuff. X_X"

Prep&Volunteering

For once I actually enjoy going to SAT Prep. Its suppose to be 3 hours long but honestly it seems so much shorter than that. Time just flies by when I'm there. I actually look forward to going to prep everyday, mainly because there is AC and I feel like I'm actually learning stuff. I really want to do good on my SATs. I honestly hope that prep is helping me. The homeworks don't take as long as I expected them too surprisingly. I use to spend a lot of time on them especially math homework for the SHSATs and back then I had my dad's help too. Now I can finish it in less than an hour without my dad's help. I think its pretty amazing. Even though people dread going to prep, I honestly enjoy it.

Volunteer on the other hand isn't as fun. I'm volunteer this year at an elementary school and I find that I don't like it. I don't know why because the kids are really nice so are the people working there. I think that the reason I don't like it is because its so confusing. For example I went to pick up my schedule yesterday. Nobody knew where I was suppose to go and their just like okay stay and work at this classroom for a while. I did that and it was all fine. Then when I left I finally found out where I was suppose to go to sign in and stuff. And the boss guy was just like come back tomorrow. I was like what time? He was like the time you are assigned too. I told him that I never got my schedule and he was like ...come back tomorrow. So I need to go back today AGAIN. But this time I'm not going to work I'm just going directly to the office to get my schedule and get it over with. Because I don't even think they took down the times I worked yesterday.

Sophomore Year I'll Miss You

Sophomore Year was an unique one. It was surprisingly less stressful than freshmen year. I'll miss listening to my teacher go on and on in global class. I'll miss reading the global textbook.(NOT!) I'll miss studying 6 hours for my trig exams. I'll miss hoping with all my heart that I pass with a 65 on my trig exams. I'll miss being super happy when I find out I pass my trig exams. I'll miss fourth period lunch. Jennifer, Rina, Nancy and I had the most weirdest and most funniest conversations in that class. I'll miss you TD. I'll miss hearing the girl next to me say "I want bubble tea" I'll miss drawing those drawings. I'll miss you dearly chem class. You were my best class, I'll def. miss being upset when I get a 90 because I'm such a huge nerd. Health oh Health, You've scared me so much. I def. learned a lot from health and I'll def. not make stupid mistakes in the future. I'll miss Eva asking me whats for lunch. Spanish class, I'll miss you a huge amount. I'll miss talking to ML and JR. They pretty much made spanish class fun for me. I've learned a lot from them and they never fail to make me laugh. English class was fun. I'll miss talking to Amy and Marina and many others in this class. Honestly I wouldn't change anything about this year. It was amazing as it was. I know Junior year will be way harder, but I think I'm ready. After honors trig, I think I can take on the world. LOL :D

Summer is Here

I'm done with all my regents, and its almost the last day of school. So far I know that I got a 95 on my global and a 95 of my chem. regents. So I'm happy but I'm so scared of my math and spanish grade. Ughs, too bad I have to wait until Friday for my grades. -sad face- Time for my usual what I'm planning to do this summer.

Summer To Do List

-Get at least 60 hours of volunteer hours.

-Study US History and AP Chem.

-Read at least 15 books.

-Watch 3 new dramas

-Watch 3 new movies.

-Clean out my old junk.

-Prepare for the SATs

-Relax

-Workout

-Get ready for Junior year :D!