Empty

I'm feeling a little sad maybe because tomorrow is my last day my Chinese school teacher will be here. I felt this way, way back when I found out that my first ever Chinese school teacher won't be my teacher anymore. But the teacher I had in the middle, when I found out she was leaving I wasn't that upset but now I am when I found out my third teacher is leaving. She wasn't my teacher for that long maybe 5 or so weeks. But she was similar to my first teacher. I felt like I was actually able to learn from them because their strict and they know how to teach and watch over us. With my second teacher she was nice but I felt like she couldn't control the students so therefore the students would act out and we would be too distracted to learn. I really don't a new teacher because most of them don't have enough experience yet so I find it hard to learn from them. My third teacher is also leaving my Chinese school for good so I wouldn't even see her around. I'm going to miss her. Now I don't even know if I should continue and renew my membership for chinese school in April when my membership expires. Well I'll learn to adapt and hopefully the new teacher can actually teach and I'll enjoy Chinese school like I do now.

I want to give up

There are times when I just want to let go. I want to just throw my books aside and just sleep early. I just want to throw my homework aside and not do it at all and not care what the teachers would say. I want to throw my books on my desk and just sit here on the internet watching my CSI all day long. I just want to not care anymore, I want to throw everything aside and just wing everything as I go along. I want to not study anymore and just do whatever I want whenever I want. But I can't, I care too much. I want the 100s I want the 2400s I want the 5s I want the 800s. I can't let go of the thing that controls my future. I can't just throw my future away just because I'm too tired or I'm too frustrated to deal with it. I just want to know that in the end it'll all pay off that everything will fall into place that I will achieve my dream.