2010

2010 is coming to an end in three days. This pretty much sums up my year.

My First 97+ average. SATs for the first time. Sleeping pass 11 on a school day. Having a snowball fight. Having a water balloon fight. Camwhoring. Fridays. Dealing with little kids. A blizzard. Late night phone calls. Getting texting. Prep. Sitting in the park and talking. All those tears. PMS. Stress from junior year. Making brownies for the first time. Being 16. Eating ALOT. My first picnic. Going ice skating for the first time. Wearing cardigans. Putting grades before anything else. Getting into painting my nails. Six Flags. Secret Santa. Beach. Library. SAT Books lying all around my house. Loving AP Chem and Chemistry. Getting a 95 on my Chem regents. 196 on PSATs. Dramas. Movies. Karaoke. Pushing the huge snowball. Horror Movies. Bubble Tea. Sushi.

This year was filled with ups and downs and I'm sad to see this year end. But I made lots of memories this year that I'll never forget. 2011 I'm ready for you!

Freaking Out AGAIN!

lalala, My SATS are done with and break is here in three days so yay! But But SAT scores come out tomorrow, so I'm freaking out all over again. I got a 196/240 on my PSAT which was wayy better than I expected but I still have no clue about the SATs. I really hope that I do good. I really need to clam down but I really can't knowing that grades come out in less than 6 hours. LOL.

I think I'm screwed

SATs are on Saturday. I went to prep over the summer and I considered myself prepared for the exam but now I'm not so sure. I just took a practice exam and I got a 1740 out of 2400. That is the lowest I've ever gotten considering in the summer I got in the high 1800s. I'm scared. I really want to get above 2000 but I highly doubt it so I'm really going to study my butt off for the one in March. Sighs, I'm really scared that I am going to get that low. That would mean that this whole summer went to waste after I stopped studying for a while. I just hope that it was because I took the practice test online late at night since I'm having a hard time concentrating. Well there is no going back now. Even if I'm not ready I better make sure that I am. I'm not going to worry about it, there is always a second chance. I'll just do my best and hope that my best is good enough.

Physics Lab

I don't mind giving people my labs and stuff if they need it but sometimes I feel like they don't even brother to do the lab and they just use mine with some changed information and stuff. It really bugs me because I worked hard on that lab and they don't brother to do it and they just use it. I mean I guess in a way its my fault since I'm the one who gives them it but at times I feel like since they've helped me out with other stuff they should get it or if their my lab partners then they should get it but otherwise I really think that you guys should do your own lab. Lab really isn't that hard and it was just putting a chart on it, it's really not that hard for you make a chart you just plug in your own information. Sighs, I normally don't really get annoyed but for some reason today I just am. Bleh I think its due to stress since I'm taking my SATs on Saturday. haha I hope I do okay. :) I realized reading this again my grammar is terrible LOL There were so many mistakes.

WHY DO I HAVE SO MANY DEPRESSING POSTS LOL

I have way too many depressing posts here LOL Heres a happy one. I'm going to my school's Career Day tomorrow, I'm looking forward to it since I had a lot of fun last year. Why do I have nothing to say LOL maybe because its almost 11 and I have to get up at 6:15 tomorrow LOL what fun! I'll finish this post tomorrow LOL :)

Finally going to change it LOL I write LOLs too much. So I went for my club YEA and our alumni shared a room with a surgeon. My alumni was actually a young medical student working for both her MD and PhD. We had to get there super early, and they passed out name tags and stuff and my room had a total of 6 hosts (3 host per alumni.) Before people actually began to come in we were playing this game called Bloon Tower on the smart board LOL We were way too hyped about. But later the alumni came in and so did the students. I actually learned a lot this year about being a medical student and enjoying college and everything. It was very interesting how they paired it up in a way we had two points of view. The older alumni didn't always want to be a doctor he wanted to major in art and everything until a teacher pushed him toward medical school and he loved it. My alumni on the other hand has always wanted to be in medical student and she's always worked hard for it and graduated from Columbia. It was really good hearing about all her experiences since she made it sound so easy, graduating from my school 3rd in her class getting a 1460/1600 on her SATs. I really enjoyed career day this year compared to last year even though last year was fun too.

K.F

My first ever best friend and in a sense my last best friend. We met in kindergarten during lunch when we simply sat next to each other and soon we became best friends. We were both two of the three girls to make it into the top class of my elementary school. I remembered your phone number by heart and you knew mine by heart. When you were sick I would always bring the homework to you and people thought that we were sisters. We went to school together and we went to prep together too. We did pretty much everything together it was like we were prefect but truthfully we weren't. Our friendship had tons of flaws that neither of us realized back then. Eventually it was like we weren't as close as we use to be like we were slowly drifting apart from each other but we were still in the same class but we got into different j.h.s classes. The last time I we actually hung out was 6th grade. We don't call each other we don't even talk anymore. I never noticed how different it is now until I think back to the days when we use to hang out and just play. We made up stories from boredom, we wrote books about talking dogs named Cooper and I forgot the male dogs name. We were student of month at the same time. We played neopets we got each other presents we went slided down my slide we played hide and seek together. Honestly I don't call anyone my best friend because of you. Its not like my friendship with one wasn't better than ours at times it is. But when I think of best friend I think of our friendship and how we are like complete strangers. I don't want that to happen to my current friendships. Even if we don't talk anymore whenever someone mentions best friend I think about what our friendship was like and I smile.

Empty

I'm feeling a little sad maybe because tomorrow is my last day my Chinese school teacher will be here. I felt this way, way back when I found out that my first ever Chinese school teacher won't be my teacher anymore. But the teacher I had in the middle, when I found out she was leaving I wasn't that upset but now I am when I found out my third teacher is leaving. She wasn't my teacher for that long maybe 5 or so weeks. But she was similar to my first teacher. I felt like I was actually able to learn from them because their strict and they know how to teach and watch over us. With my second teacher she was nice but I felt like she couldn't control the students so therefore the students would act out and we would be too distracted to learn. I really don't a new teacher because most of them don't have enough experience yet so I find it hard to learn from them. My third teacher is also leaving my Chinese school for good so I wouldn't even see her around. I'm going to miss her. Now I don't even know if I should continue and renew my membership for chinese school in April when my membership expires. Well I'll learn to adapt and hopefully the new teacher can actually teach and I'll enjoy Chinese school like I do now.

I want to give up

There are times when I just want to let go. I want to just throw my books aside and just sleep early. I just want to throw my homework aside and not do it at all and not care what the teachers would say. I want to throw my books on my desk and just sit here on the internet watching my CSI all day long. I just want to not care anymore, I want to throw everything aside and just wing everything as I go along. I want to not study anymore and just do whatever I want whenever I want. But I can't, I care too much. I want the 100s I want the 2400s I want the 5s I want the 800s. I can't let go of the thing that controls my future. I can't just throw my future away just because I'm too tired or I'm too frustrated to deal with it. I just want to know that in the end it'll all pay off that everything will fall into place that I will achieve my dream.

I can't help but to think that you're pissed off at me. But the thing is you're not telling me what your mad it, but its so obvious you're annoyed at piss off and I feel like it's my fault too. You're not sounding like the way you are normally, and the thing is I've seen you annoyed at others but you usually tend to rant. Which adds to the fact that I know your pissed at me, but you're not telling me. I wish you would just tell me why your mad at me. I like it that way because then I can make things right again. Instead I feel like you're just giving me a hard time and you don't really want to talk to me but you're talking to me because I'm talking to you. Its really giving me a hard time, but honestly I do hope that you feel better.

Sometimes I wonder

What would've happen if I didn't go looking for you that friday when I saw you in front of applebees. Would we still be talking like we are now, will everything that have happened happen? What if I really didn't brother going looking for you, how would everything have turned out. Would we even have met each other and how would that encounter actually be. If I didn't act the way that I did how would everything have turned out. Would we have talked instead of waiting a year, because of a mistake I made. But if we actually talked then would we have been as close as we are now. We use to talk everyday like we do now, but why is it different now compared to then. I feel like I'm more able to open up about myself now then I was then. But I like the way it is now. I like how I was able to take a chance and to give it my all unlike last time. Because its been more than a year, we didn't talk for so long because of one day. I want to make up for it because I wasn't able to take a chance even though I was given the chance many time. I don't regret anything though because we're close now and thats all that matters at the moment to me. Thank you for being there for me.

Junior Year!

Okay, I've been ignoring this blog for a while mostly because I don't really have anything to talk about since I've been lazying around doing nothing LOL.

Junior Year started for me two days ago, I'm not looking foward to it but I hope I come out a smarter person LOL This is my program, most people didn't like theirs very much but I'm okay with mine actually LOL

Period 2-English. It seems okay but online they say that my teacher is kind of hard and plays favorites but I hope I'll be okay since my freshmen teacher played favorites too.

Period 3-Calculus. I think I'm going to get tons of homework and apparently my teacher gives super hard tests, but I was in trig honors last year so I think I'm able to handle it LOL Calculus bring it!

Period 4-Lunch! AGAINNNNNNN ;D LOL 3 years and counting :D!

Period 5-AP American: I hope I can survive. My teacher loves voc. and research papers. History wasn't always my strong point so I hope I'll do okay.

Period 6&7-AP Chemistry: My teacher is super nice but I've heard ap chem is nothing like chem so I hope I'll do okay. I need to brush up on my chem though since I forgot a lot of stuff LOL

Period 8-Physics: Two classes in one room O_O" WERID! My teacher seems okay I hope I'll do okay since most people say that physics is easier than chem. But I love chem so idks. :X

Period 9-Gym/Lab (I haven't had either yet so I'm not sure)

I already got homework on first day, this never happened before but thats junior year for you. I hope I'll do okay.

R.I.P

John Lok

I didn't know you very well and I did admit that at times I found you a bit annoying because you cared so much about your grade. But I do wish I knew you better. I remember how once we were stretching and I was complaining that I couldn't touch my toes and you said it was because my legs were long. You were a nice person who I remember would always participate in class. Everyone knew that you were smart since you knew the things that nobody else knew. You were in my health group and we had to work together. I honestly wished that I did try to get to know you better. You will be missed.

Long Car Rides

I haven't updated in so long mostly because I have very planned out days. Everyday is similar to the one before. I tend to rant a lot more now, since I find that writing out my feelings make me feel better hence the posts with the no comment option.

I love long car/bus rides. They are really calming. I prefer to be in my own world with my music during them. I mean I don't mind being around my friends and family but I tend to drift off into my own world. I begin to make up stories and I begin to think back to the things I've done and what I could've done. Long car/bus rides give me the chance to reflect on myself. They are so calming. I usually tend to make up stories and I find them so calming and relaxing. If the scenery is mostly trees I like it even more. I know I'm a weirdo LOL

I'm Scared

I'm scared that one day you're going to stop im-ing me. That one day you'll lose interest in talking to me. That one day we'll run out of things to talk. That one day you'll get bored of me. That one day we'll no longer hang out together. That one day there would no longer be hour long conversations on the phone. That one day we can't even be friends anymore. I'm really scared for that day because its happened before and there's a chance that it can happen again. Last time it happened, I felt like it was my fault, because I didn't brother to do anything about it, it was as if I didn't care in a way. But I do care about this and this time I'm going to do things differently. I want to keep this going and I'm not going to easily back out this time like I did last time. I want you to know that I actually care. Last time I acted different than I normally would, but this time I'm different. I'm being myself because faking it didn't get us anywhere. But I'm going to give it my all this time since I want it to last.

Who are we to judge?

So, most of this summer I've been spending my time volunteer the days are usually the same. Until yesterday, I went to the main office to get pencils but the person who was suppose to give me them wasn't there yet. There were two girls that go to my school standing outside lets call them A and B. A guy walks out of the office (he ends up being in the same class as me) and he starts walking off to his class. A says "Room 202 is that way" So he turns and says thanks before walking away. A then begins to say to B, "Wow, I wonder if he is even fit for the job, I mean look at his hair and stuff." B replies by saying "Yea, there was this girl who had dyed hair and everything. It is inappropriate for work here." A continues to say "I mean they had an interview and stuff, I mean how did he even get thru." And B goes and says "Yea, so I guess he can't be super bad right?" And then A goes and says "I guess, I mean is he even in high school?"

I was standing there the whole time thinking who are you to judge him or her. You've never seen the way they work, so what if they have dyed hair or a different hairstyle. That doesn't mean they can't be good to children. Its who they are, our hair doesn't define us. So what if they care about the way their hair looks, it shouldn't matter. What really matters is how well they look after the kids. We don't have a right to judge them because we don't even know who they are. That just got me really annoyed and stuff. X_X"

Prep&Volunteering

For once I actually enjoy going to SAT Prep. Its suppose to be 3 hours long but honestly it seems so much shorter than that. Time just flies by when I'm there. I actually look forward to going to prep everyday, mainly because there is AC and I feel like I'm actually learning stuff. I really want to do good on my SATs. I honestly hope that prep is helping me. The homeworks don't take as long as I expected them too surprisingly. I use to spend a lot of time on them especially math homework for the SHSATs and back then I had my dad's help too. Now I can finish it in less than an hour without my dad's help. I think its pretty amazing. Even though people dread going to prep, I honestly enjoy it.

Volunteer on the other hand isn't as fun. I'm volunteer this year at an elementary school and I find that I don't like it. I don't know why because the kids are really nice so are the people working there. I think that the reason I don't like it is because its so confusing. For example I went to pick up my schedule yesterday. Nobody knew where I was suppose to go and their just like okay stay and work at this classroom for a while. I did that and it was all fine. Then when I left I finally found out where I was suppose to go to sign in and stuff. And the boss guy was just like come back tomorrow. I was like what time? He was like the time you are assigned too. I told him that I never got my schedule and he was like ...come back tomorrow. So I need to go back today AGAIN. But this time I'm not going to work I'm just going directly to the office to get my schedule and get it over with. Because I don't even think they took down the times I worked yesterday.

Sophomore Year I'll Miss You

Sophomore Year was an unique one. It was surprisingly less stressful than freshmen year. I'll miss listening to my teacher go on and on in global class. I'll miss reading the global textbook.(NOT!) I'll miss studying 6 hours for my trig exams. I'll miss hoping with all my heart that I pass with a 65 on my trig exams. I'll miss being super happy when I find out I pass my trig exams. I'll miss fourth period lunch. Jennifer, Rina, Nancy and I had the most weirdest and most funniest conversations in that class. I'll miss you TD. I'll miss hearing the girl next to me say "I want bubble tea" I'll miss drawing those drawings. I'll miss you dearly chem class. You were my best class, I'll def. miss being upset when I get a 90 because I'm such a huge nerd. Health oh Health, You've scared me so much. I def. learned a lot from health and I'll def. not make stupid mistakes in the future. I'll miss Eva asking me whats for lunch. Spanish class, I'll miss you a huge amount. I'll miss talking to ML and JR. They pretty much made spanish class fun for me. I've learned a lot from them and they never fail to make me laugh. English class was fun. I'll miss talking to Amy and Marina and many others in this class. Honestly I wouldn't change anything about this year. It was amazing as it was. I know Junior year will be way harder, but I think I'm ready. After honors trig, I think I can take on the world. LOL :D

Summer is Here

I'm done with all my regents, and its almost the last day of school. So far I know that I got a 95 on my global and a 95 of my chem. regents. So I'm happy but I'm so scared of my math and spanish grade. Ughs, too bad I have to wait until Friday for my grades. -sad face- Time for my usual what I'm planning to do this summer.

Summer To Do List

-Get at least 60 hours of volunteer hours.

-Study US History and AP Chem.

-Read at least 15 books.

-Watch 3 new dramas

-Watch 3 new movies.

-Clean out my old junk.

-Prepare for the SATs

-Relax

-Workout

-Get ready for Junior year :D!

Life

Today, I found out that this guy in my health class is sick. He is in the hospital and most likely won't be returning to school. I didn't know him that well. He was in my drug project group and I know that he knew most of the answers in class. A lot of people sorta found him annoying because he knew so much and sorta went on and on about certain topics. I remember once, when I sorta got annoyed at him, because he got a 88 on a test and I got the same thing. So he says to me "...wow, you got the same thing as me." as if its surprising that I got the same thing as him. I had a feeling that he thought I wasn't very smart, since during the drug project I seemed kind of slow. But today when I found out that he was sick, I suddenly felt really bad that I once felt that way about him. I mean I find certain people annoying and don't want them in my classes but I don't ever wish they got some serious illness. I mean I hope that we all grow up healthy, I just don't want them in my classes at times. So all through class I felt really bad about it. I realize that we should appreciate people more, and not take them for granted. I mean its human nature to dislike people, and I admit I've dislike people before. But I never wish for anything bad for them. Although at times I can't help but think it, but I feel so bad afterwards. Luckily nothing has happen to those people, but when it does happen it really makes you rethink life and the hate we have in us.

Tried

I'm super tired, I'm not going to end up finish my 30 day challenge since its just too hard. June is in one day, I'm not ready for June, I'm not ready for extreme amounts of testing, and I'm not ready for sophomore year to end. I want sophomore year to continue, but I want summer already. Yet I don't want to Junior year to come. My birthday is in 7 days, I'm not ready for turn 16 yet, but I'm excited for it. Sighs, so much to do and so little time to do it. X___X"

17,18,19,20,21,22,23

LOL I suck so much XD

Day 17 — An art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)

Day 18 — Whatever tickles your fancy

Day 19 — A talent of yours

I can talk really fast.

Day 20 — A hobby of yours

I enjoy painting my nails :D!

Day 21 — A recipe

http://allrecipes.com/recipe/best-brownies/detail.aspx

^The recipe I wanted to use to make brownies. Okay, no I couldn't find the one I wanted to use so here is another one. :D!

Day 22 — A website

http://www.google.com/

^Place I go to, when I have questions. :D!

Day 23 — A YouTube video

^she is super talented and I love her hair.

Day 15,16

Day 15-A fanfic.

I don't read fanfics so I'm going to leave you a picture of a cutie LOL. :D

Day 16-A song that nearly makes you cry.

Day 11,12,13,14

Day 11 — A photo of you taken recently

Day 12 — Whatever tickles your fancy

I love nailpolish LOL :D!

Day 13 — A fictional book

What can I say I love chick literatures. :D!

Day 14 — A non-fictional book

This book is seriously amazing. At first it was sort of slow, but it was a really good book that really told the dangers of mountain climbing.

Day 10

Day 10 — A photo of you taken over ten years ago

haha, I use to be so much LIGHTER! >;O

Day 9

Day 9- A photo you took.

Day 8

Day 08 — A photo that makes you angry/sad

Day 7

Day 07 — A photo that makes you happy

We were cam-whoring in the park. There was a tall gate to separate the basketball courts and the place where we were. Suddenly some guy playing threw the basketball so high it came over the gate and it attacked us. LOL

Day 6

Day 06 — Whatever tickles your fancy

A female celebrity that I totally would have a crush on if I was a guy.

Its Lee Hyori.

She is extremely talented and pretty. Not to mention she is totally hot! I'm totally envious of her flat stomach. I can't believe that she is 30 years old, she doesn't look her age at all. I remember the first time watching her music video, 10 minutes and thinking DANG SHE IS SO PRETTY.

Day 5

Day 05 — Your favorite quote

it's the simple things in life we never forget.
it's those words we wish we never said.
it's the happy endings in fairytales we want to have.
& it's those divine memories we want to rewind and relive again.

Day 4

Day 04 — Your favorite book

Dancing in the streets of Brooklyn by April Lurie. I read this book when I was in the 4th floor, and I remember that I simply couldn't put it down. It was sort of a chick flick but with more. I think that this book started my love for chick flicks. I remember being so in love with this book that I read it so many times again. Even though its a book for I guess elementary or jr. high school students, I still enjoy reading it again. It was a really sweet chick flick that was also depressing and sad at the same time. It also took place in Brooklyn near where I lived LOL so it was pretty interesting XD

Day 3

Day 03 — Your favorite television program

I don't tend to watch tv a lot, usually I spend most of my time on the computer. But Bones is one of those television shows that I can't get enough off. I love mysteries and bones fulfill my wants for mystery dramas. I love watching mysteries where everything looks real, and in Bones the dead bodies look so real. It makes me not want to watch other dramas since their bodies look really fake. This is the show that can stop me from studying for a test just to catch an episode of it.

Day 2

Day 02 — Your favorite movie

I really couldn't choose one movie. So I had to put a mix of six movies that I really liked.

These are the movies;

-Mulan: This is one of my favorite Disney movie. I love how Mulan is so different from the other girls and how she ends up saving China. Its a really nice movie.

-Mean Girls: This movie is totally not for little kids even though I watched it when I was in 5th grade(I didn't know what a lot of the stuff meant.) It's really quote-able and super funny. I watched it so many times I know so many of the lines.

-My Tutor Friend: This movie is so funny. Its one of the first Korean dramas I've ever watched and I've rewatched it so many times afterwards. Its so cute and funny at the same time. LOL.

-She's the Man: There is only one word for this movie. Its hilarious.

-Step Up: One of the few movies I actually watched in the movie theater. I almost cried the first time I watched it. And when re-watching it I did cry. It's so good.

-Dear Friends: I think that this one was really heart-felt and moving. It really taught me more about life and how we should live everyday to the fullest.

30 Day Challenge

Due to the lack of post I seem to be having. I've decided to do this 30 day Challenge thing that everyone seems to be doing on tumblr. But naw, I won't do it there I'll do it here. LOL. Also since today is the first day of the month its a good time to start. Well today's is

Day 01 — Your favorite song

I have a lot of favorite songs and my favorite song differs all the time. But if I had to pick a song it would be I don't Know by Joanne Accom.

The first time I listened to this song I fell in love with it. Mostly because at that time the song described my feelings about certain people. Even after that time period I have never gotten tired of this song, so I guess that it is my favorite song.

Here is the rest of the list of the other challenges if any of you want to do it too.

Day 02 — Your favorite movie
Day 03 — Your favorite television program
Day 04 — Your favorite book
Day 05 — Your favorite quote
Day 06 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 07 — A photo that makes you happy
Day 08 — A photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 09 — A photo you took
Day 10 — A photo of you taken over ten years ago
Day 11 — A photo of you taken recently
Day 12 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 13 — A fictional book
Day 14 — A non-fictional book
Day 15 — A fanfic
Day 16 — A song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 — An art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)
Day 18 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 19 — A talent of yours
Day 20 — A hobby of yours
Day 21 — A recipe
Day 22 — A website
Day 23 — A YouTube video
Day 24 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 25 — Your day, in great detail
Day 26 — Your week, in great detail
Day 27 — This month, in great detail
Day 28 — This year, in great detail
Day 29 — Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 — Whatever tickles your fancy

Equality

I got into the chem major which is the major that I wanted to get into. But to make up for my happiness, I ended up failing my MATH TAKE HOME. I got a 55 on it, and it was a take home assignment that I had the whole spring week to do. I still don't understand how I could've done that. I wish I can go back to those days when I wasn't failing math and was actually passing. I need to work harder but no matter how hard I work I still end up doing just average. I think that I do well on the tests but I end up failing. No matter how hard I try my effort isn't apparent on my grades. I don't know why I simply can't get the 80 in math. I mean I understand everything but I end up doing it all wrong. I hate it. Its driving me nuts. I really don't understand how I could've messed up that badly but I did. I really envy those who can get high grades without trying much.

Faded Memories

To My Once Best Friend of Six Years:
I was thinking about how close we use to be when we were in elementry school. We spend endless days at my house in my basement going down my slide. We kept lists of Mary Kate and Ashley Oslen books that we haven't read yet. We would play hide and seek in my closets and we even created a club. We made up stories and went to the park to do what every child does. We even went to summer school together. Your parents knew my parents and my parents knew yours. We promised that we would remain best friends forever even until high school. We believed it and whenever people asked we say proudly that we've been friends for a long time and that we'll continue to be friends for a long time. We called each other all the time, I knew your number and you knew mine. People always asked us if we were sisters or cousins because we went to school tgoether. We even had the same hoodies! You've made me cry and I made you cry, we were as close as can be. But everything comes to an end. The slide in my basement is no longer there because I grew out of it. That is like our friendship, we went to different middle schools. In 6th grade during spring break I remember you came over. This was the last time we would hang out. I didn't expect it to be though, and expected that next year you'll come too. But that was our final good-bye. We stopped being best friends not because we fought but because we just simply grew apart from each other. We went from being best friends to simply friends on facebook. I can't help but think of the could've beens. But I know that even though we're no long friends that we'll both store the memories of when we were friends in our hearts.

Career Day!

Today, I attended my first ever career day. It was pretty interesting. I had to get up so freakin early on a Sat. And I ended up going in all black because I didn't have anything formal of other colors that fit the weather. I went with Connie, and we ended up sitting in the lunchroom for more than an hour before we went down to our rooms. Sisi and Jim came into my room to keep me company. Then later we were suppose to go down to the auditorium but Sisi and I just got upstairs so we were like screw it we're not going back down. Tina, Oscar and Vivan sneaked upstairs and came into my room and we just hung out there. Whenever people came to tell us to go down we would just say we're going. Finally my alumni came in. I found out a lot about being a pharmacist, I felt bad that I didn't have any questions but they were most all answered already. X___X" Luckily I knew some of the people that came into my room so it wasn't super weird. Afterwards we went to have lunch with our alumni, it was nice but I wasn't very talkative since his conversation with a lawyer about the way tech use to be was quite interesting. LOL. The old AP Chem teacher sounds really cool. LOL. Afterwards I went home with Connie and Sotherea, my feet were in so much pain. D:

Coming to an end.

Spring break is coming to an end in four days. Time seems to pass by so fast. I don't want spring break to end yet because once it does that means tons of work for me since end of the school year is coming. I'm going to end up finding out which major I'm in, and have to deal with finals as well as regents. I'm not ready for this school year to end yet I want more time to study and stuff. I don't want junior year to come yet since I don't want to worry about SATs and all that other collage stuff yet. X__________X" These couple of days I've been doing nothing but watching movies/dramas and trying to study for upcoming regents and tests and stuff. X_______X" So far I feel like I'm not ready for any regents other than chemistry. I want to do good on all of them but I happen to suck a lot in spanish and in trig. X_____X" Sighs. I hope I make the most of these four days, well it should be three since I'm planning to go to a friend's birthday party on monday. X_____X"

We've done so much together. All the conversations we've had that nobody would understand. All the cam-whoring we've done. The nicknames that we've given to people; Oven, Stove, Blissful, Bball dude, Bball dude's friend etc. The Fridays that we've spent together. Talking about oven and stove, Time and JL. Have random high moments on the streets where strangers think we're high and think that we're bad influences. Sharing food at ritz. Glaring at people to see if their lying to us. Making chocolate and getting sick of chocolate. Talking about how high we're on each others aim logger. Talking about ways to get back at oven, and well as talking about how horrible they are. Making up situations for each other that we know won't ever come true. You giving birth to Mr. somosnowball and me helping lmaoo. Drinking bubble tea together talking about people we see out the window. Making each other choke (2 vs 1). Me going to school super early just so we can go to school together. Having the same music taste and me killing your desktop because I keep making you send me songs. You calling me crazy because I sleep at 10 pm. Us going on walks just so we can talk about stuff. Us talking about how our future husbands will suffer with us not being able to cook. Attempting to cook and hoping not to fail. We have tons of insiders together. And we will have more in the future but today is your day.

HAPPY 16TH BIRTHDAY. HOPE YOU HAVE FUN TODAY.

Friendship

I can't help but wonder if I can put effort into things I do. I put effort into homework and school but when it comes to social things I feel like I don't put in any effort. I'm drifting apart from one of my friends and the main reason is the fact that we both thought that our friendship was so strong that neither of us brother to put in any effort to save it. We got mad at each other thinking that it'll all get better because our friendship was so strong. I always thought that I didn't need to brother putting in so much effort because we were such good friends. But now its all falling apart and I feel like if I put in effort then things would be different we would still be close. I wonder if I'm capable to putting in effort into relationships. I feel like if I'm not capable of doing so that I'll end up alone in the future. I always thought that as long as I don't get into huge fights with my friends, then our relationship will stay the same. But that is not true, friendships won't suddenly stop if I do that but it won't stay the same. If I don't put in effort then our relationship won't be strong. It upsets me how long it takes to build a friendship but how easily it is to end one.

Haircut

I've gotten a haircut a while ago but never ended up posting it up because I was so dam. lazy. I cut off three inches of my hair and got tons of layers. I actually really like it because it is so much easier to wash and it dries so much quicker. Plus its less heavy compared to my long hair but I do miss my long hair especially when I run my hand thru my hair. D:

Grudges

I hate the fact that I can't ever forget stuff that people have done to me. Such as breaking promises or doing anything to me that hurt my feelings at that moment. I simply don't ever forget about them and it gets annoying. Sometimes when I'm mad at that person I suddenly remember all the old stuff they've done to me and it just gets me more mad. I mean sometimes people break promises to me and they try to make it up, but it just hurts when people break a promise to me. Well not necessary small ones but big ones. Sometimes I look so forward to doing whatever they promised me that we're gonna do such as go somewhere. But when we end up not going I just feel disappointed and upset. I wish I can just let all my "grudges" go but for some weird reason I just can't. And when they make other promises to me I can't help but feel like what if they break this promise like the other one. I mean I forgive them and everything but I just never forget. There was this like which one is easier to forgive or to forget. And I find its just really hard to forget things like that. Sighs. It just depresses me when I can't forget something even after a long period of time has passed.

Majors!

So today was the day that I had to fill out what I want my majors to be. I really wanted to be in Chem. Major since I'm good at chem and I guess I like it. Well more like I like Chem because I'm good in it. But I found out that I'm only ranked 200, there are only like 88 seats. Math totally screwed me over and lowered my math average. X_____X" I'm so scared that I won't get in, I'm hoping that not many people applied for chem major. But I'm still so freakin scared that I'm not going to get into Chem Major. That is the only major that I really want so badly. I wish I did better in math so that it wouldn't screw me over now. The 75 totally killed everything for me and screwed me over like crazy. I think I was better off picking Bio-Medical Engineering since I was ranked like 138 but I prefer Chem over Bio since I'm better at Chem. I just hope that other people would rather have something else than Chem.

Feeling Lost

I'm feeling empty and lost and confused. I'm in no mood to do homework. I need to study, but yet I'm not motivated to do so. I just want to crawl into bed and sleep. School is wearing me out. I have three tests on Friday. Currently I'm hungry. I've been feeling like I"m lacking sleep these couple of days. I don't feel motivated to do anything. I just want to sit here staring into space and do nothing. I'm lacking motivation. I enjoy the feeling of the accomplishment when I finish my homework. But I'm not getting any of that right now so I'm feeling down. I just want this marking period to end already. I want spring to come, I want it to be warmer. I dislike the cold expect in the summer. I feel stressed out and I might be grinding my teeth at night which is wearing down my teeth making me need fillings. They are currently hurting me. I don't make sense and I feel messed up. I want to feel all happy and bubbly and not down. But the weather plus the upcoming tests make me feel like ughs. Yesterday I felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown, doing my math homework. I feel like math is too hard for me. Sighs.

Not Enough Time

I feel like I don't have enough time to do the things that I want to do. I need to finish watching a four episode drama by Wed. since I have to return it. I also need to do five hours of chinese school homework since I didn't attend school last week. I also need to finish a math assignment and study for my math test that is on friday. Also I need to begin to study for my global and spanish exams that are coming up soon. I feel like I have no much to do but that I won't have enough time to do it unless I stay up to one am today. But I really can't stay up until then because I end up getting all sleepy at like 11. X_______X" So I'm trying my best to finish everything now but its so hard.

2PM Issue

I'm seeing the whole 2pm issue everywhere and its really annoying and pissing me off. So here is pretty much what I really want to say to all those so call "Hottest" fans. Note: I was never a really big 2pm fan, I just like their songs. I really think its stupid of the fact that so many "Hottest" fans are no longer supporting 2pm just because their leader Jaebom has official been removed from the band. In fact like 30 or so fansites closed down after this issue was reported, some of them wasn't even 2pm fansites it was supporting a certain member that wasn't Jaebom. What the heck, how does that make sense. I mean if you guys want to hate anything, hate JYP since he was the one who reported that JaeBom was no longer in the bad and he had the last say in everything. People are saying how the members of 2pm didn't appear upset, and stuff like that, I mean how would you know if they were or weren't. All people have to back themselves up is the translated version of the interview, I mean there are many versions and it isn't exact translations so people shouldn't trust everything they read. I thought that when you supported a band you supported every member, even know Jaebom isn't part of the band anymore, that doesn't mean you should try to mess everything up for the other members as well. It just makes it seem like they guys only supported 2pm just because Jaebom was in it, and that is plain stupid and that just says that you guys weren't true fans of 2pm and just a fan of Jaebom.

Fun in the Snow~

Ever since I got into high school I never liked being in the snow. I hated getting all wet and cold, I just really hated the feeling. So I always avoided the snow like crazy and hated it when it snowed. Well more like I hated when it snowed and I was forced to go to school. But today I decided to go and have a snowball fight with Joyce, Meagan and Nancy. At first I was not too exited to go and didn't really want too since I hate being in snow and all. But my mommy said that I could go so I'm like whatever we're coming back to my house right after. Boy did I have fun. First we decided to attempt to build a fort that didn't even pass our knees for our snowball fight. That was a total failure, so we decided to just lie in the snow and stare up at the sky. But it was super cold so we decided just to snowball fight without forts. Nancy and I were one team and Meagan and Joyce were the other team. At first it was utter fail since our snowballs didn't go very far. Then I decided to do hit and run, I would run up front throw and run away. It was quite successful until we realize that Joyce could throw very far. That was super tiring and after 15 mins. or less we decided to stop. There were huge balls of snow, like three of them. They were super round and were up to our stomaches high. We decided to built a snowman with them but we could never build a ball as high as the ones that already there. So Joyce and Meagan decided to push one ball that was three courts away from the first huge ball. We wanted them to be next to each other. Nancy and I decided to go help them. We could barely get pass the first court without screaming a million times and getting a whole lot of snow on us. Joyce and Meagan decided to go do something else leaving me and Nancy there to push it. We were quite successful and got it one and half a court closer to the first ball. But we could only push so far without getting super tired. So we got them to help us and finally have about an hour SUCCESS! At last they were next to each other, we were so sore and tired from pushing the huge ball. Our pants were all wet, so were our socks, jackets and gloves. We could no longer feel our hands anymore or our toes. But we just couldn't give up half way since we already used so much effort.

This was one of those days were I felt like a kid again, without school to worry about or anything. I stopped all my worrying for once and all I focused on was the current thing I was doing. Even though I was cold and freezing and couldn't feel my toes or fingers, I really had a lot of fun.

Worrying Too Much

I think that I have a problem, that I never had until November of 2009. The problem is I worry so much. I use to worry but now I just worry so much that sometimes I get this pain in my stomach (sort of like butterflies). I'm worry over things that I have no control over, and whenever someone is late I keep thinking something bad as happen. I never use to think like this until now. I hate the feeling in my stomach every time I worry myself sick. I really don't know how to stop this worry, the only thing that works is keeping myself occupied but its getting harder. Since I keep worrying over things that I really have no control over, I'm having trouble focusing in school. I really hate worrying so much but I really have no idea what got into me to make me worry so much over things that I don't have control over. The slightest sound at night makes me paranoid and worry. I keep thinking about the end of the world and bad things happening to the ones I love. I spend time trying to think of other stuff but nothing works unless my mind is occupied doing something that requires my full attention. I really want it to go back to the days when I worry but not like this. I hate this worrying feeling so much. Anyone have any idea to stop worrying? D:

Math is so hard.

I had a snow day today, and I did tons of cleaning and I did loads of homework. My math teacher didn't upload my hw until 5 and it was on vectors something that I didn't learn yet. So I was hoping that there would be so school tomorrow so I wouldn't have to do it. But nooooo we have school tomorrow so I have to do it and I only get 2 problems out of the 7 and she said if we didn't do all the problems she would give us zero credit. But I don't even know how to do them, I mean I can guess but that is kinda really hard. I also have a spanish test to study for. I'm panicing for my math homework since I really have no freakin idea on how to do it. D: Stupid vectors.

Apart

To Someone that I'm drifting away from.
We use to be so close. You considered me your best friend and honestly I did too, even though I told you I didn't believe in best friends. I don't really since I've always thought that best friend was only one friend. But I do consider you as one of my best friends. But now we're drifting apart from each other. Even though we still hang out and talk its just not the same. There are stuff I would use to tell you but now I don't and I know its the same with you. We've both seem to have found another group of friends besides each other. I miss being able to tell you all my problems and you giving me the solutions. I wish it would go back to how it use to be. But even though our friendship isn't as close as it use to be, I really still do consider you as one of my best friends. I just wish that we could talk about anything and tell each other everything thats going on. Even though we both have other friends that we're super close too, I wish that we were still as close as how we use to be. I know that I'm hard to handle at times, and I use to get pissed off at you a lot. But now I feel like I shouldn't have done that because I feel like thats what causing us to become part. I wish I could tell you all this but I feel like I just can't. But I just want you to know that even though we're drifting apart, I still do consider you one of my best friends.

My Love Letter

I'm suppose to write a love letter for spanish class. Since I need to at least have an english verison so I know what I'm translating here is the english verison. I needed at least 10 adjs. in it so hence all the nice stuff. Ignore the fact that its super sappy-ish my teacher said to put a lot of emotions into it so here I go.

My Love,

I like you a lot. From the first moment I saw you, I knew that I like you. You are an amazing singer. Your smile is charming. Your hair is nice and you’re so tall. You're funny. You are so kind and smart. Also you're brave, strong and friendly. I like you because you’re friendly, kind, smart and talented. You capture my heart everytime you smile. I love it when you talk to me and make me laugh. I like when you cheer me up when I’m sad. I just want to tell you how much I like you.

Down

I'm feeling down and disappointed in myself. My report cards have been posted up on this website already. My math average is still a 75, I thought that I would at least get an 80 since I got an 80+ on the two exams but no its still an 75. That means that my chances of being in AP Cal. is all gone. Even though AP Cal was going to be hard, I wanted to be in it since I feel like thats the only AP I'll have a chance of other than AP Chem. I really wish that I did better, I really do. But apparently I didn't do any better than last term. I feel like I've failed myself somehow.

But I'm going to suck it up. For spring term I will do better. I'll go for at least a 90! That sounds so impossible to me considering that I've never gotten pass an 85 on any exam. I'm going to stop slacking off and do extremely good this term or at least give it my all.

Free~

I feel free. I'm finally finished with all my finals and since its regents week I'm off from school. But I feel bored, there is nothing to do. Not that I'm complaining, I should be more grateful =____=" considering the fact that I'll get tons of work when I get back to school, but I'm bored. I think that its time for me to catch up on reading. I haven't read an actual book (I don't count reading the Scarlet Letter as reading because I end up reading sparknotes.) in a while. In my free time I'm also attempting to clean out my computer, its becoming slow. Also I really need to clean my desk, its a mess from finals week. =_________="

This freedom is making me so bored. D: I want to finish my drama, but I'm hating the way its going. It seems annoying, I liked it before episode 14 X____X" But I don't want to stop since this is already my second time watching it since I couldn't bring myself to finish it the first time I watched since it got so annoying (okay I stopped at the same place that I'm at right now.) D:

Average

I never thought about this until an incident today that made me realize something. Out of all of my cousins(I only have three) I'm the most average. All of them know how to play the piano expect me. I never had any interest and my parents never forced me to learn. Even though some of my cousins were forced to learn they still know how to play. Also all my cousins have taken many extra lessons on a whole lot of other stuff such as dancing, sports, drawing etc. Other than learning how to swim I've never had any interest in doing any of those things. My parents never forced me and so now I feel like compared to them I'm average. They've all at one point of their lives went to a private school (I only went in pre-k and I never finish so I don't think that counts.) Also they all know already what they want to be when they grow up (well actually I don't know what my boy cousin wants to be but I"m sure he knows what he wants to be if not oh wells.) I'm still deciding on what I want to be when I grow up. I know that even though I'm average it doesn't make me any less than them. But when we go out to dinner or visit relatives and this gets brought up I feel out of place and like a loser. I know that my parents don't care that I've never did any of the stuff they do, they just care about how to do in school and they hate comparing me to my cousins. But I can't help comparing myself to them and how average I am compared to them.

DDP coming into handy

When I left freshmen year behind, I thought that I would leave DDP back forever and never have to think about it every again. Until today haha I'm making it sound like a person. Nancy invited me to go to this Powerplay(program that she participated in this summer) event with her. We got lunch and a designer came in to talk to us about classes. They showed us this video with the lovely Design Process. I was like OMFG. ARE YOU SERIOUS. I saw that video last year in DDP; The deep dive the one where they made a new shopping cart. I was so surprised but I knew almost all the answers to the questions they were asking about the design process. I felt so smart. DDP was actually handy and surprisingly I learned something. It was so amazing. While watching I felt like I was in DDP again watching it sighs. it was so strange.

Finals are in 2 days X_____X" I'm not exactly worried nor do I feel like I'm ready at all. I mean all those months of notes can't be studied in only one day in two hours. Good Luck to everyone taking exams. Hope you ace them!

Stress D:

So today, I found out that my chinese school teacher of 2+ years isn't going to be my teacher anymore. X_____X" I don't really want another teacher since I feel like I won't be able to learn from them.(Not saying their bad teachers its just their methods don't really work for me.) Okay I don't really know since I was only with one teacher and I didn't like that class since she translated everything into English and the kids were ultra loud and annoying. My teacher refuses to teach us in English and I feel like I actually learn more that way. Also some teachers are sort of afraid of the students so the students act up and are loud and they don't really do anything which annoy me as well. Sighs. I'm going to miss my teacher. X______X"

Technology is SO ANNOYING! I thought I finished typing up my notes and drawing all the pictures and it turns out I still have 4 more pages not typed. X_____X" My hand is cramping from drawing all those diagrams and stuff. X_____X" UGHS.

Notebook Check

Okay, so for technology class we're having this huge notebook check which is suppose to have all of our notes from the beginning of the year. I have all the notes and stuff. But then I found out that if we wanted any chance of getting a 100 we would need to type it, and if we don't type it its an 85. Since there is such a huge difference in grades, I'm like of course I'll type it. So I began typing, in 54 mins I've typed out two days of notes. AND THEY WEREN'T EVEN THAT LONG. There is so much numbers and while I've learned typing back in 6th grade so I'll say that I type pretty fast about 60 words per min or more. But I happen to fake the typing numbers test and pass just barely but I passed. So now I ended up forgetting how to type numbers so I type them really so. Technology is full of numbers so =_______________="

Sighs. so depressing I think I'm going to spend most of my weekends typing out my notes, its going to get worse later on when I have to redraw my pictures and stuff. X________X"