So Scared.

I just took my SATs for the second time and I think I did really bad. The critical reading was so hard D: compared to the time I took it in December. Math and writing were okay but I don't think I did better. I'm so scared that I did worse which is just horrible. I'm so nervous and scared. Sighs. I wished I practiced more sighs. I'm so scaredd right now. But the scores come out about 18 days later I guess. Sighs. I need to forget about it right now so I don't annoy myself thinking about it so much. D:

I hope I didn't do that bad. D:

So Tired. D:

I'm really sick of studying for ap chem so I decided to come here and rant about it. I feel like no matter how hard I study this topic I still get confused once I see a question. :X I really want to do well on the "re-test" so my test average can go up. I'm so tired but yet I can't stop since studying really helps out my grade. (DUH!) I really have no idea what I'm saying anymore since its pretty late and I plan to get up at 5:30 to continue this. Blah.

Freaking Out AGAIN!

lalala, My SATS are done with and break is here in three days so yay! But But SAT scores come out tomorrow, so I'm freaking out all over again. I got a 196/240 on my PSAT which was wayy better than I expected but I still have no clue about the SATs. I really hope that I do good. I really need to clam down but I really can't knowing that grades come out in less than 6 hours. LOL.

I think I'm screwed

SATs are on Saturday. I went to prep over the summer and I considered myself prepared for the exam but now I'm not so sure. I just took a practice exam and I got a 1740 out of 2400. That is the lowest I've ever gotten considering in the summer I got in the high 1800s. I'm scared. I really want to get above 2000 but I highly doubt it so I'm really going to study my butt off for the one in March. Sighs, I'm really scared that I am going to get that low. That would mean that this whole summer went to waste after I stopped studying for a while. I just hope that it was because I took the practice test online late at night since I'm having a hard time concentrating. Well there is no going back now. Even if I'm not ready I better make sure that I am. I'm not going to worry about it, there is always a second chance. I'll just do my best and hope that my best is good enough.

Physics Lab

I don't mind giving people my labs and stuff if they need it but sometimes I feel like they don't even brother to do the lab and they just use mine with some changed information and stuff. It really bugs me because I worked hard on that lab and they don't brother to do it and they just use it. I mean I guess in a way its my fault since I'm the one who gives them it but at times I feel like since they've helped me out with other stuff they should get it or if their my lab partners then they should get it but otherwise I really think that you guys should do your own lab. Lab really isn't that hard and it was just putting a chart on it, it's really not that hard for you make a chart you just plug in your own information. Sighs, I normally don't really get annoyed but for some reason today I just am. Bleh I think its due to stress since I'm taking my SATs on Saturday. haha I hope I do okay. :) I realized reading this again my grammar is terrible LOL There were so many mistakes.

Empty

I'm feeling a little sad maybe because tomorrow is my last day my Chinese school teacher will be here. I felt this way, way back when I found out that my first ever Chinese school teacher won't be my teacher anymore. But the teacher I had in the middle, when I found out she was leaving I wasn't that upset but now I am when I found out my third teacher is leaving. She wasn't my teacher for that long maybe 5 or so weeks. But she was similar to my first teacher. I felt like I was actually able to learn from them because their strict and they know how to teach and watch over us. With my second teacher she was nice but I felt like she couldn't control the students so therefore the students would act out and we would be too distracted to learn. I really don't a new teacher because most of them don't have enough experience yet so I find it hard to learn from them. My third teacher is also leaving my Chinese school for good so I wouldn't even see her around. I'm going to miss her. Now I don't even know if I should continue and renew my membership for chinese school in April when my membership expires. Well I'll learn to adapt and hopefully the new teacher can actually teach and I'll enjoy Chinese school like I do now.

I want to give up

There are times when I just want to let go. I want to just throw my books aside and just sleep early. I just want to throw my homework aside and not do it at all and not care what the teachers would say. I want to throw my books on my desk and just sit here on the internet watching my CSI all day long. I just want to not care anymore, I want to throw everything aside and just wing everything as I go along. I want to not study anymore and just do whatever I want whenever I want. But I can't, I care too much. I want the 100s I want the 2400s I want the 5s I want the 800s. I can't let go of the thing that controls my future. I can't just throw my future away just because I'm too tired or I'm too frustrated to deal with it. I just want to know that in the end it'll all pay off that everything will fall into place that I will achieve my dream.

I can't help but to think that you're pissed off at me. But the thing is you're not telling me what your mad it, but its so obvious you're annoyed at piss off and I feel like it's my fault too. You're not sounding like the way you are normally, and the thing is I've seen you annoyed at others but you usually tend to rant. Which adds to the fact that I know your pissed at me, but you're not telling me. I wish you would just tell me why your mad at me. I like it that way because then I can make things right again. Instead I feel like you're just giving me a hard time and you don't really want to talk to me but you're talking to me because I'm talking to you. Its really giving me a hard time, but honestly I do hope that you feel better.

Sometimes I wonder

What would've happen if I didn't go looking for you that friday when I saw you in front of applebees. Would we still be talking like we are now, will everything that have happened happen? What if I really didn't brother going looking for you, how would everything have turned out. Would we even have met each other and how would that encounter actually be. If I didn't act the way that I did how would everything have turned out. Would we have talked instead of waiting a year, because of a mistake I made. But if we actually talked then would we have been as close as we are now. We use to talk everyday like we do now, but why is it different now compared to then. I feel like I'm more able to open up about myself now then I was then. But I like the way it is now. I like how I was able to take a chance and to give it my all unlike last time. Because its been more than a year, we didn't talk for so long because of one day. I want to make up for it because I wasn't able to take a chance even though I was given the chance many time. I don't regret anything though because we're close now and thats all that matters at the moment to me. Thank you for being there for me.

Junior Year!

Okay, I've been ignoring this blog for a while mostly because I don't really have anything to talk about since I've been lazying around doing nothing LOL.

Junior Year started for me two days ago, I'm not looking foward to it but I hope I come out a smarter person LOL This is my program, most people didn't like theirs very much but I'm okay with mine actually LOL

Period 2-English. It seems okay but online they say that my teacher is kind of hard and plays favorites but I hope I'll be okay since my freshmen teacher played favorites too.

Period 3-Calculus. I think I'm going to get tons of homework and apparently my teacher gives super hard tests, but I was in trig honors last year so I think I'm able to handle it LOL Calculus bring it!

Period 4-Lunch! AGAINNNNNNN ;D LOL 3 years and counting :D!

Period 5-AP American: I hope I can survive. My teacher loves voc. and research papers. History wasn't always my strong point so I hope I'll do okay.

Period 6&7-AP Chemistry: My teacher is super nice but I've heard ap chem is nothing like chem so I hope I'll do okay. I need to brush up on my chem though since I forgot a lot of stuff LOL

Period 8-Physics: Two classes in one room O_O" WERID! My teacher seems okay I hope I'll do okay since most people say that physics is easier than chem. But I love chem so idks. :X

Period 9-Gym/Lab (I haven't had either yet so I'm not sure)

I already got homework on first day, this never happened before but thats junior year for you. I hope I'll do okay.

I'm Scared

I'm scared that one day you're going to stop im-ing me. That one day you'll lose interest in talking to me. That one day we'll run out of things to talk. That one day you'll get bored of me. That one day we'll no longer hang out together. That one day there would no longer be hour long conversations on the phone. That one day we can't even be friends anymore. I'm really scared for that day because its happened before and there's a chance that it can happen again. Last time it happened, I felt like it was my fault, because I didn't brother to do anything about it, it was as if I didn't care in a way. But I do care about this and this time I'm going to do things differently. I want to keep this going and I'm not going to easily back out this time like I did last time. I want you to know that I actually care. Last time I acted different than I normally would, but this time I'm different. I'm being myself because faking it didn't get us anywhere. But I'm going to give it my all this time since I want it to last.

Who are we to judge?

So, most of this summer I've been spending my time volunteer the days are usually the same. Until yesterday, I went to the main office to get pencils but the person who was suppose to give me them wasn't there yet. There were two girls that go to my school standing outside lets call them A and B. A guy walks out of the office (he ends up being in the same class as me) and he starts walking off to his class. A says "Room 202 is that way" So he turns and says thanks before walking away. A then begins to say to B, "Wow, I wonder if he is even fit for the job, I mean look at his hair and stuff." B replies by saying "Yea, there was this girl who had dyed hair and everything. It is inappropriate for work here." A continues to say "I mean they had an interview and stuff, I mean how did he even get thru." And B goes and says "Yea, so I guess he can't be super bad right?" And then A goes and says "I guess, I mean is he even in high school?"

I was standing there the whole time thinking who are you to judge him or her. You've never seen the way they work, so what if they have dyed hair or a different hairstyle. That doesn't mean they can't be good to children. Its who they are, our hair doesn't define us. So what if they care about the way their hair looks, it shouldn't matter. What really matters is how well they look after the kids. We don't have a right to judge them because we don't even know who they are. That just got me really annoyed and stuff. X_X"

Tried

I'm super tired, I'm not going to end up finish my 30 day challenge since its just too hard. June is in one day, I'm not ready for June, I'm not ready for extreme amounts of testing, and I'm not ready for sophomore year to end. I want sophomore year to continue, but I want summer already. Yet I don't want to Junior year to come. My birthday is in 7 days, I'm not ready for turn 16 yet, but I'm excited for it. Sighs, so much to do and so little time to do it. X___X"

Equality

I got into the chem major which is the major that I wanted to get into. But to make up for my happiness, I ended up failing my MATH TAKE HOME. I got a 55 on it, and it was a take home assignment that I had the whole spring week to do. I still don't understand how I could've done that. I wish I can go back to those days when I wasn't failing math and was actually passing. I need to work harder but no matter how hard I work I still end up doing just average. I think that I do well on the tests but I end up failing. No matter how hard I try my effort isn't apparent on my grades. I don't know why I simply can't get the 80 in math. I mean I understand everything but I end up doing it all wrong. I hate it. Its driving me nuts. I really don't understand how I could've messed up that badly but I did. I really envy those who can get high grades without trying much.

Coming to an end.

Spring break is coming to an end in four days. Time seems to pass by so fast. I don't want spring break to end yet because once it does that means tons of work for me since end of the school year is coming. I'm going to end up finding out which major I'm in, and have to deal with finals as well as regents. I'm not ready for this school year to end yet I want more time to study and stuff. I don't want junior year to come yet since I don't want to worry about SATs and all that other collage stuff yet. X__________X" These couple of days I've been doing nothing but watching movies/dramas and trying to study for upcoming regents and tests and stuff. X_______X" So far I feel like I'm not ready for any regents other than chemistry. I want to do good on all of them but I happen to suck a lot in spanish and in trig. X_____X" Sighs. I hope I make the most of these four days, well it should be three since I'm planning to go to a friend's birthday party on monday. X_____X"

Grudges

I hate the fact that I can't ever forget stuff that people have done to me. Such as breaking promises or doing anything to me that hurt my feelings at that moment. I simply don't ever forget about them and it gets annoying. Sometimes when I'm mad at that person I suddenly remember all the old stuff they've done to me and it just gets me more mad. I mean sometimes people break promises to me and they try to make it up, but it just hurts when people break a promise to me. Well not necessary small ones but big ones. Sometimes I look so forward to doing whatever they promised me that we're gonna do such as go somewhere. But when we end up not going I just feel disappointed and upset. I wish I can just let all my "grudges" go but for some weird reason I just can't. And when they make other promises to me I can't help but feel like what if they break this promise like the other one. I mean I forgive them and everything but I just never forget. There was this like which one is easier to forgive or to forget. And I find its just really hard to forget things like that. Sighs. It just depresses me when I can't forget something even after a long period of time has passed.

Majors!

So today was the day that I had to fill out what I want my majors to be. I really wanted to be in Chem. Major since I'm good at chem and I guess I like it. Well more like I like Chem because I'm good in it. But I found out that I'm only ranked 200, there are only like 88 seats. Math totally screwed me over and lowered my math average. X_____X" I'm so scared that I won't get in, I'm hoping that not many people applied for chem major. But I'm still so freakin scared that I'm not going to get into Chem Major. That is the only major that I really want so badly. I wish I did better in math so that it wouldn't screw me over now. The 75 totally killed everything for me and screwed me over like crazy. I think I was better off picking Bio-Medical Engineering since I was ranked like 138 but I prefer Chem over Bio since I'm better at Chem. I just hope that other people would rather have something else than Chem.

Feeling Lost

I'm feeling empty and lost and confused. I'm in no mood to do homework. I need to study, but yet I'm not motivated to do so. I just want to crawl into bed and sleep. School is wearing me out. I have three tests on Friday. Currently I'm hungry. I've been feeling like I"m lacking sleep these couple of days. I don't feel motivated to do anything. I just want to sit here staring into space and do nothing. I'm lacking motivation. I enjoy the feeling of the accomplishment when I finish my homework. But I'm not getting any of that right now so I'm feeling down. I just want this marking period to end already. I want spring to come, I want it to be warmer. I dislike the cold expect in the summer. I feel stressed out and I might be grinding my teeth at night which is wearing down my teeth making me need fillings. They are currently hurting me. I don't make sense and I feel messed up. I want to feel all happy and bubbly and not down. But the weather plus the upcoming tests make me feel like ughs. Yesterday I felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown, doing my math homework. I feel like math is too hard for me. Sighs.

Not Enough Time

I feel like I don't have enough time to do the things that I want to do. I need to finish watching a four episode drama by Wed. since I have to return it. I also need to do five hours of chinese school homework since I didn't attend school last week. I also need to finish a math assignment and study for my math test that is on friday. Also I need to begin to study for my global and spanish exams that are coming up soon. I feel like I have no much to do but that I won't have enough time to do it unless I stay up to one am today. But I really can't stay up until then because I end up getting all sleepy at like 11. X_______X" So I'm trying my best to finish everything now but its so hard.

2PM Issue

I'm seeing the whole 2pm issue everywhere and its really annoying and pissing me off. So here is pretty much what I really want to say to all those so call "Hottest" fans. Note: I was never a really big 2pm fan, I just like their songs. I really think its stupid of the fact that so many "Hottest" fans are no longer supporting 2pm just because their leader Jaebom has official been removed from the band. In fact like 30 or so fansites closed down after this issue was reported, some of them wasn't even 2pm fansites it was supporting a certain member that wasn't Jaebom. What the heck, how does that make sense. I mean if you guys want to hate anything, hate JYP since he was the one who reported that JaeBom was no longer in the bad and he had the last say in everything. People are saying how the members of 2pm didn't appear upset, and stuff like that, I mean how would you know if they were or weren't. All people have to back themselves up is the translated version of the interview, I mean there are many versions and it isn't exact translations so people shouldn't trust everything they read. I thought that when you supported a band you supported every member, even know Jaebom isn't part of the band anymore, that doesn't mean you should try to mess everything up for the other members as well. It just makes it seem like they guys only supported 2pm just because Jaebom was in it, and that is plain stupid and that just says that you guys weren't true fans of 2pm and just a fan of Jaebom.